An Ending

Today...my company said they didn't need me any more.

I have until March...and then I must leave.

My manager's lips moved...but I heard little of his words...I kept thinking, "They're wrong."

Not "wrong" in the sense they are bad...but this just does not fit what I know to be true.

I am wanted...I am needed...I am valued.

I feel no sadness...no fear...just confusion.

He hands me a white envelope...saying others will have one too...I fold mine in half & hold it at my side...I do not want to feel the upset of others.

I return to my office...tuck the envelope in my purse...and walk outside.

The sun greets me and warms me with his smile...tiny birds sing to me their song...and oh, the breeze...she blows around me, lifting my hair.

The grass is still growing...it is a happy green.

The flowers still bloom...their petal faces smile at me.

I walk to my secret bench...hidden behind some pallets...facing a copse of trees.

I take off my shoes & touch the Earth with my feet...sigh...it feels good here.

The sun envelops me in a warm hug and holds me close.

The breeze, she is much stronger now...whipping around me, yet gentle some how. I sense her sweeping away the negative feelings I have picked up in my walk through the hallway...for there are others with white envelopes...badge of the unwanted.

I sit...and I breathe.

I ask the trees for strength.

I ask the breeze to uplift me.

I ask the sun to warm me.

I sit...and I breathe.

Time passes...and I smile...somehow I feel enveloped in white wings that lift me up on feathered tips.

It makes no sense to you perhaps, but I feel safe...I feel loved...I feel perfect.

It will be OK...of that I am certain...I am not sure how...or when...the details elude me.

I hear footsteps nearby and so I disconnect from my little Space of Love with the trees...and I walk back to my office.

I ask Edith to join me for a quick run to the bookstore. Getting into the Vortex Guided Meditations CD and User Guide by Esther and Jerry Hicks (The Teachings of Abraham) comes out today. I have been waiting for it for weeks. How perfect it is out today. I buy several copies so I can give them to friends.

It is a small book...with a CD.

Since forever, I have resisted meditation...I do not know why...I just know I get squirmy when I think about it and so I avoid it...although I understand its value.  I do spend quiet time...alone...consciously creating...I just do not call it "meditation."

The workbook and CD include Meditation: General Well-Being...Meditation:  Financial Abundance...how perfect is that? Oh...my heart dances and twirls in a circle in anticipation of the message I will hear.

After dropping Edith back at the office, I go home.

I want to be alone.

I need to process this.

The sky is a beautiful blue and is completely without clouds...open...spacious...without limits...just like life.

What can I do to take care of myself right now?

I drive to the New Leaf Market in a tiny town near the Santa Cruz Mountains.  I buy a fresh squeezed juice...something green, sweetened by fruit with a dab of bee pollen.

I sit outside at a tiny table in the sun...sipping my bee juice...and just "be"...and read Abraham...ahhh...how blessed I am to have you in my life...thank you for all you do.

The words inspire me...they uplift me...I feel loved.

I revel in this space for a time...before going home.

I don't want to tell my Mother...she's 80 and lives with me...she will worry and fret...and talk to neighbors...and then they'll all talk...and soon a whirlwind of fear will move down our tiny street.

I won't tell my daughter yet...she's in college and lives with me...she will handle it better, I think...but for right now, I just want to focus on me.

This is an internal thing.

I want no distractions.

I have found many times...when sharing something with another...how quickly it can shift to that person and not me...I do not know how this happens, but it does not feel good...I do not want it at this time.

I go into my room...lie on my chaise...cover myself with a white "mink" stole...and slip the CD into the player.

I am transported to a good place...a beautiful place...a loving place...an easy place...and I breathe (that's part of the meditation...telling how to breathe in...when to breathe out...I need that now...simple instructions to tell me to do simple tasks).

Jerry Hicks recommends meditating just for 15 minutes a day so that we might live our life fully...but right now, I need more...and so I listen to all the meditations...one after the other...first General Well-Being...then Financial Abundance...on to Physical Well-Being...then a few words about Relationships and I slip into sleep.

I awaken 2 hours later...feeling refreshed...alert...and eager somehow.

I am prompted to share where I am right now...and to take others on this journey of discovery...holding hands so that we might not be alone.

I had thought to start a blog a while back...but letting blocks get in my way, I did nothing...but now...how perfect...a big event fills me with the need to share.

I hope you will join me on this little adventure...I need to know you are there.

Somehow the thought of sharing with strangers is comforting to me...perhaps feeling you will be more honest with me than well-intending friends who want to comfort.

So please...do not send me sadness...send me strength.

Do not send me fear...send me courage.

Do not send me despair...send me hope.

And in return I shall bless those feelings...envelop them in golden light and send them back to you one thousand fold.

Now it is time...I have given birth to my baby blog...and send it in its infancy into the world...hoping it will be found and accepted by those with a loving spirit and an open heart.

Tell me not your sorrow...your fear...or your anger.

Do not list what we cannot do.

Instead, tell me what we can do...and what did you do to lift your spirit in times like these.

May joy be in your heart today.

Warmly,


Catherine